If ever there was an excuse

If ever there was an excuse to be as miserable and absolutely broken in spirit as I have been over this weekend, I have it. Yes, the last 4 days have been spent moping in my room, wanting to do absolutely nothing, so that's what I've been doing. I wish I could say I've been so busy being a good student that I have simply not had the time to post, but really, I've just been puzzling over my existence and whether or not I should share too many feelings here. I get a minuscule number of reads, but a few of those are my family and friends. Now that shouldn't be too huge, to let my family or friends know how I'm feeling, but it is indescribably uncomfortable. I'd much rather be anonymous in many situations and especially situations where I need to show emotions.

So have I been in hiding? Yes. 

Do I not feel like showing my face to the world? Absolutely. 

Is it killing me that I have to go out in the world when my heart would rather just cease palpitating? You got it. 

So should I be hiding and letting the world turn around me while mourning my own loss instead of trying to re-enter it with a smile on my face? I don't know. I certainly feel selfish for holing myself up, but when I go out, the smile that doesn't quite reach my eyes occurs automatically. That's where they strain shows. My eyes is where I hold all of the stubborn determination to keep from tearing up. If I just keep my head down and eyes averted, no one will know the difference.